it should be called knocked up and oblivious

okay so just because i like going against my most beloved friends i am going to continue to talk about the mtv reality show 16 & pregnant. a show which, much like an accident on the highway, i can not help but gawk at as it passes by (or as i scroll through the guide on my tv). once i see that title i have to have to have to turn and see which poor, naive girl is being featured this week. now, i don't think all of them are dumb or trashy or incapable of making an informed decision concerning their bodies and that of their soon-to-be born children. this is especially true of the first season of expecting teens. however i do think they are guilty of non-logical thinking and poor decision making.

for anyone who has watched these children (and that is what they are) your heart breaks a little for the naivete with which they see the impending life change. some think it'll be fun, others admit they know it will be hard but that baby will be soooo cute and love them like no one else. some even, and i know this by the looks on their faces not the words that come out of their mouths, think it will keep their boyfriend at home, in check, in love with them, connected to them forever and the like. and i know there are a bevy of educated single women out there watching these episodes and shaking their heads because they have been there and made different decisions and now, 15 years older, want to yell at them and say stop!!! you are being so...teenagerish. but the deed is done and they are already knocked up, by the end of the 60 minute show they have already had the baby and know the realities. and that is when my heart breaks into a million bazillion pieces. because even though most walk around with a swagger that can only come from idealization of a less than ideal situation and over indulgent parenting practices and poor sex ed programs, they are still only little girls. sexually experienced yes, but still just teens without the wisdom to know that making this choice leads to the absence of choice in so many other things. by the time the end credits roll most of these girls know what's up and beg others like them to step back, put the penis down and walk away.

the show doesn't really sugarcoat it either and this is why i think it will reach a bunch of teens who are having sex without protection. some of my friends think that it might not educate, but merely be another chance for sex forward teens to say "well that won't be me" or even worse as a vehicle to get them on tv. i hope this isn't the case. i think that the show misses the mark in not showing a more diverse demographic. most of these girls, it seems, come from lower income households with indulgent parents who easily accept the situation. who probably accepted the fact that their teen was having sex, but maybe never bothered to talk to them about protection or consequences or, gasp, gave them the condoms and birth control. maybe they did everything right and their dumb teen did everything wrong anyway. that is what teens do right?

the two girls that stand out the most to me are both from the first season. and it is not just me, they have made an impression on others i've talked to as well. like Maci, the beautiful, smart, young thing who got pregnant one of the first times she had sex (well maybe not so smart...but i don't want to pass judgement not knowing the quality of her sex ed). she made sure to finish high school before her baby bentley (hmm yikes!) arrived. not wanting to give up her education, she continued her studies, attending college, balancing the baby, the apartment and, i think, a job at one point. and her boyfriend, who was completely emotionally distant before bb came into the picture, stayed out all night partying and hitting on other girls while maci kept leaving messages on his voicemail. we learn through the follow-up program, teen moms, that maci's life doesn't get any better. in fact, she has had to drop out of school and return to her parents home, her relationship with the boyfriend is over and they are barely on speaking terms. his eyes say he wished she would have had an abortion, his actions say that his family taught him to face up to his responsibilities, his flat affect says that he divorced himself from the situation, maci and even bb a long time ago. maci stands alone, yet another single teen mother, with all the sadness and weight-of-the-world that comes with it.

and caitlyn, a self-possessed and wise-beyond-her-years teen, who decided along with her truly amazing boyfriend tyler, that although they loved each other and their daughter, that to give her the best life possible she should be given up for adoption. during their episode you see these two go back and forth between wanting to do what is best and wanting to do what seems emotionally right. they struggle, they cry, they reason and rage, but they do it together. these two have also transitioned to the teen moms show, to be the foil to the other girls, the path not chosen and an example that it is equally hard to not keep the baby, or should i say not keep the baby with you. caitlyn especially, struggles openly with their decision to give up their baby girl. they wonder aloud to each other about who she might look like, if she is walking, talking, happy. and i think this decision was made harder by the initial lack of family support-by her mother who basically told her she was an awful person for giving up her blood-and the fact that these two teens remain together. they are a constant reminder for each other of the thing they love most in the world that they both don't have. they seem to draw strength from this. i really respect these two and think their baby girl will understand, respect and love them for their decision too.

there seems to be little to no talk of abortion on this show. i guess it is a function of the narrative, which picks up when the girl is already about six months along, but still they talk about contraception why not this? i often wonder if it done so that the show is not politicized. but it is already mtv, can't you see?

ultimately this show is meant as a cautionary tale, to all those sexed up teens getting some without any thought to the future consequences of their present actions. for me, the saddest part is that while many of the fathers of these children continue to live the lives they had before the baby, many of these girls drop out of school, give up their dreams and are now saddled (a harsh word yes, but at this age it's true) with another person to care for for the next 18 years. most are not motivated or supported enough to go back to school and will flounder. i'll admit it, sometimes i cry at the end, when the girl is alone in the nursery, talking (many times crying) into the camera. this is the dreaded light bulb moment the viewer has been waiting for. she has been living with the baby for a few weeks or months and the reality has set in, she is heartbroken at the vast months and years that stretch before her like one huge pile of poo. it is not just about dirty diapers and expensive formula, loads and loads of laundry and fathers who won't own up to their responsibilities. it is also about the loss of themselves, before they even knew who that was or could have been.